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Mark Twain Quotes


Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.

Providence protects children and idiots. I know because I have tested it.

Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty.

Be careless of your dress if you will, but keep a tidy soul.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

The secret of success is being like a duck. Smooth and unruffled on top, but paddling furiously underneath.

Water, taken in moderation, can not hurt anybody.

When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.

Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.

To get the full value of a joy you must have somebody to divide it with.

Take your job seriously, but don't take yourself seriously.

The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up.

The first half of life consists of the capacity to enjoy without the chance; the last half consists of the chance without the capacity.

It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.

Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

The holy passion of friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to lend money.

All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure.

When in doubt, tell the truth.

I have no color prejudices nor caste prejudices nor creed prejudices. All I care to know is that a man is a human being, and that is enough for me; he can't be any worse.

By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean.

Always do right. That will gratify some of the people, and astonish the rest.

This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.

It is noble to be good; it is nobler to teach others to be good -- and less trouble.

We have a criminal jury system which is superior to any other in the world; and its efficiency is only marred by the difficulty of finding 12 everyday men who don't know anything and can't read.

The political and commercial morals of the United States are not merely food for laughter, they are an entire banquet

It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.

If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

Courage is resistance of fear, mastery of fear -- not absence of fear.


Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live.

Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.

It is better to keep your mouth shut and appear stupid than to open it and remove all doubt.

In the Library

The New York papers have long known that no large question is ever really settled until I have been consulted.

The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who can't read them.

Be careful of reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

If you invent two or three people and turn them loose in your manuscript, something is bound to happen to them -- you can't help it; and then it will take you the rest of the book to get them out of the natural consequence of that occurrence, and so first thing you know, there's your book all finished up and never cost you an idea.

A literary classic is a book which people praise and don't read.

The difference between the right word and the almost-right word is the difference between the lightning and the lightning-bug.


Jul 2018
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