God grant me the Senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:
1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.
3. I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. . .
5. All reports are in: Life is now officially unfair.
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant. (Or as I originally heard it: Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.)
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I could use a few.
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. . .
13. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
14. Only time the world beats a path to your door, is when you're in the bathroom.
15. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
16. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone else decide to play chess.
17. It's not hard to meet expenses. . .they're everywhere.
18. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
19. These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. . .I go somewhere to get something, and wonder what I'm here after!
20. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. . .