man and woman are standing at the altar, about to be married, when the bride-to-be looks at her prospective groom and sees that he has a set of golf clubs with him.
"What on earth are you doing with those golf clubs in church?"
"Well," he says, "this isn't going to take all afternoon, is it?"
A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by just a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself: "I'd give anything to sink this next putt."
A stranger walks up to him and whispers: "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and will put him in the right frame of mind to make the difficult putt and says, "Sure..." And sinks the putt.
Two holes later he mumbles to himself: "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole."
The same stranger appears by his side and says, "And would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?"
The golfer shrugs and says, "I guess so..." And he makes an eagle.
On the 18th hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger strolls over to his side, cocks an eyebrow, and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?"
The golfer looks him in the eye and says, "Certainly."
And makes the eagle. As the golfer walks to the club house, the mysterious stranger walks alongside and says,"You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am... But that's the way I operate. . .I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life."
"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. "And by the way, the name's O'Malley. Father O'Malley."
There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he got, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession.
One Sunday was a picture-perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do. The urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant and told him that he was sick and could not attend church. Then he packed up the car, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.
An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he's doing." God nodded in agreement.
The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung, and the ball sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A perfect hole-in-one. The preacher was amazed and excited.
The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him."
God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he tell?"