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You might be a protestant if...

  • If you believe you are supposed to take a covered dish to heaven.
  • If you have never sung the third verse of any hymn.
  • If you have ever put an IOU in the collection plate.
  • If you complain because your Pastor only works one day a week and then he works too long.
  • If you think God's presence is always strongest in the back three pews.
  • If you think "Victory in Jesus" is the national anthem.
  • If the first complete sentence you uttered was "We've never done it this way before."
  • If you judge the quality of the sermon by the amount of sweat worked up by the preacher.
  • If your definition of "fellowship" has something to do with food.
  • If you think worship service music has to be loud.
  • If you think worship service music has to be soft.
  • If you think Jesus actually used Welch's grape juice and unsalted crackers.
  • If you think preachers who wear robes are in cahoots with the Catholics.


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